Tali ,the counseler
by Jay-Em Stevens
Summary: A one-shot where Tali teaches Joker about love and what makes a "person"


Mass Effect:Tali the counceler

A one-shot.

He had grown accustomed to the tic-tacking of her odd, double toes. The sound of them on the decking, the gangway behind his helmsman console. It had become a source of comfort. She was always there, friendly, thoughtful, chatty, and the most fierce warrior if push came to shove, despite her lithe frame..

It still amazed him how the giggly, bashful teen brought-in by Shep' in that whole unfortunate business with Saren, had transformed into a thoughtful, lovable woman with a sharp mind and an even sharper wit, while not losing that bashful side of her. 

Maybe it was the isolation through her suit? The fact that all those people around her were.. well.. basically running around buck-nekkid, as far as her cultural background went.  
The only ones Quarians ever saw "in the flesh" so to speak, were their mothers, and in a later stage, their mates, maybe.. hmm.. how would that work... He shook his head, not going there.

He wasn't exactly unknown to "isolation", though. Bones made of glass tend to result in isolation, since even a friendly jab at his ribs, could result in breakage. No problem with Tali, though. She was as gentle and careful in her movements around him, as possible. He had appreciated that gentleness, and care immensely, especially after seeing her kicking a Batarian só hard, his chest caved in. Yup, Tali didn't appreciate the attention "dem Hips" got her here&there..

After her initial reticence, he had discovered –to his immeasurable joy- that the little bucket head had a wicked sense of humor, dry, but really smart and wicked. She got Garrus to blush.. or rather rattle his mandibles.. that was fun, seeing Garrus "rattled" for real.  
Getting her drunk was even more fun. Dirty jokes took on a whole new dimension, when orated with that gentle, lilting Slavic accent of her. Her jokes got Shep' pretty hot under her collar on more than one occasion… 

"What are You giggling at,Jeff?" He turned towards the chromium apparition next to him. "Heh, I was just thinking of Tali, and her dirty jokes"  
Edie gave him a questioning look. (eerie how a Android could be that good in emoting) "You explained, but I still fail to see what's so dirty about Miss Zorah's anecdotes. Studying several cultures with each it's own "humor" has only exacerbated the complexity of understanding, and quantizing "humor", and especially humor involving human mating-habits."

Jeff hunched for a bit, shook his head. "Edi, Edi, You sure know how to take the fun out of jokes with that analyzing. Jokes, understanding them, is an instinctual thing. It cannot be quantized and/or measured"

"Oh"

Edi turned back to her console, silent. He could almost see the bits'n bytes whizzing along, while Edi tried to parse the info.

"Jeff, do You not like it when I try to understand humans?" She had turned towards him again, and again with that questioning look. He would have sworn she even looked a bit sad.. No! She was good company, but an AI was an AI. They seemed human enough to pass the Turing-test with flying colours, but true emotions? No way. Yes, he loved the intricacies, the complexity. He loved discussing and cross referencing with Edi, and silently he also loved the "shapes" but "human" she would never be.  
"Oh no, Edi, please, do not stop learning. It's a great thing for a tech-head like me to see an AI become more complex"

But.. Why did he feel so guilty all of a sudden. After all, Edi had mastered playful banter to such a degree, that he wouldn't want to part with her no matter what. But, well, that would be about the same as with the Normandy.. A machine could invoke attachment, but it still was a machine. A conscious-less entity.

He sighed, and shook his head, as if wanting to shake away the thoughts that kept encroaching. 

A soft "k-tick, k-tick" behind him landed him right back on solid ground.

"Joker, You are doing the scary frown again". Heh, Tali's "Frown" sounded almost like "prawn" in that sexy accent of hers.. He giggled for a bit.

You see? He could immediately call Tali "sexy", or even Shep' for that matter.. yeah.. he was a horn-dog.. no denying, –and prey that Shep' isn't telepathic amongst all the other enhancements she has- but, Edi, despite her scary-perfect robo-bitch-body, he just could not see her as "sexy".

"Oh, hey, bucket-head, how are you doing?. Got something for me on the strange oscillations of the core? "

Tali cocked her head. "Oh no, You are still doing that creepy frown. I will not fall for your powers of dissuasion, evasion ,and distraction. What is going on?"

Joker sighed. Well, no escaping. Oh well, who better to trust with the emotional turmoil an AI brought him, than someone who lost a complete world thanks to AI's.. Maybe she had a fresh perspective.

"Uhm..Edi? You have the helm, I am going to get me some coffee. Tali? Care to join me? "

"Ooo, sure, chief has just informed me that he had invented a coffee variation that I can drink. That will be very interesting, Shep' always states that she doesn't function before coffee. It must be really intelligence-stimulating, because her best ideas are always after coffee.." A soft giggle came from behind the opaque purple-ness of her face-plate. "and the worst after drinks.."

Joker smiled at the sudden flurry of enthusiastic, be it somewhat uncoordinated, movement from Tali, and there was that cute, n' funky "hopping" too..  
She could always lift his spirits. As a good friend should.

Slowly, carefully, he lifted himself from his chair, careful nót to hit something, because he didn't feel like breaking an arm because of "standing-up" 

"Jeff. Do You need assistance?"

Wait..what? that sounded truly worried from Edi.. no, no, no, no.. not what I need right now.

"No, thank You Edi, but I'll manage, and Tali is here to prevent any damage."

"Oh, good, because I do not …like..?.. seeing you damaged or in pain"

Edi's "like" had an unnerving, human-like bit of doubt in it. Not good, nót helping.

"C' mon Tali, ón to the coffee.. auwtch.. and would You pleas play crutch to the crutch?"  
He tried to sound flippant, but it came out a bit more strained and pained than it should.

Carefully they made their way towards the Mess-Hall. Ignoring the ensign's inquisitive look.  
Once seated behind their coffee, he kept silent, stirring sugar that wasn't there, staring into his cup.

"Oh Joker, Joker. As Your best friend, I have to ask. What is going on? You have been miserable since Edi got that magnificent piece of technology as her body. I admit that I was quite apprehensive, given Quarian history with advanced AI's, but Edi is quite something different. Stuff happens in her algorithms, that should not happen. At least not with the base-coding that's there."

Joker's head shot-up

"How..how.. have You been prodding around in Edi? She's hardened, as hack-proof as it gets. How is that even possible?"

Tali leaned forward, putting her hand softly under his chin, pulling his head up..

"She lét me, You silly. She thought there was something seriously wrong with her coding, because You acted strange around her since she got the Gynoïd body. She. Was. Worried! Worried about You!" 

Joker sat back brusquely.

"No, You are doing that what should not be done. Edi is a machine, an AI, a very smart AI, but still, nuts'n bolts, however nice the package. You just want to see a human in there"

Tali cocked her head again.

"Joker, my dear, obtuse friend. Aren't we áll "a bucket of nuts and bolts" if looking at us from a technological perspective? Aren't we all, basically, driven by electricity, electrons whizzing around, synapses polarizing and de-polarizing?  
Edi is a one-in-a-million intelligence. A fluke, maybe, but I have to admit ,despite my Quarian-bred distrust and hatred towards tin-cans-with-an-electric-brain, that Edi is as close to a true "person" as it gets, and she has traits that I have never, ever seen at the Geth.

She "worries" You understand what I am saying here? She. Worries.! *sigh* Look, I have seen how lonely You actually are, partially because of Your handicap. We, Shep, I, Garrus are Your friends, and always will be, but there's more that just "friends". I saw my Shep' when the time was right, it's about time you started seeing too. Ugh! How blind can a guy be?" She threw both arms in the air.

Joker stared at his cup again. Nothing left of his usually chatty-self after Tali's outburst. Could it be? A machine.." becoming "human" or more like "a Person"?

"Did You.. ehh have You uhrm, You know? Done more than just code-digging in Edi's hardware?"

Tali cocked her head again, and her hands started that odd "dance of the fingers"–like handwringing, indicating there was indeed more going on.

"We.. talked" She said hesitantly.

"Talked? What do You mean "Talked"?" Joker raised his eyebrows. 

"Well, ehrm –oh, keeh'lah, this is hard to admit for me as a Quarian- I "talked with her, like One would "Talk" to a friend, woman to woman.. Yes, I talked with an AI like she was a "person" And it didn't feel wrong, threatening, or scary… There!"

She slumped back in her chair, and Joker could hear one of her feet *k-klicking* nervously on the mess-floor.

Sooo. He wasn't the only one unnerved by Edi's current appearance. Yes, a glowing, floating orb was easier to be considered "a machine" than the moving, looking, emoting tin-can sitting next to him,trying to understand him, supporting him without doubts….giving… "company" Nót the surrogate holo-play company, but a real Person… He wondered. "Hów complete a facsimile of a woman wás Edi?" His face went beet-red, all of a sudden.  
Oh, No! The last thing he needed was lusting after a fem-bot.. This was getting from bad to worse. He dug his face in his hands, in a feeble attempt to hide the unstoppable blushing.

A soft snickering rose from behind Tali's mask. "Hah, I knew it! You actually like her and like to be around her like with a "girl-friend" and it makes You very, very uneasy.." She started softly taunting : "Joker and Edi, sitting in a tree, k.i.S.S.I.N.G!"

Again Joker felt his face go redder than beet-root.

"Stop that! No..yes, no, I..I.. "

Tali reached-out and comfortingly tapped his hands. "You know? There's only one question You'll have to ask Yourself: Did You like Edi on a deeper, connected level before she got this girl-envy-inducing super-bod? If so, than it's a case of true love, where the external does not play a huge role. I think it's adorable.."

Joker sighed deeply. Yes, he had grown pretty fond of Edi, despite her continuous nagging.. or.. maybe because of her nagging. She even commented on many an awful clothing choice made… He had liked that, strangely enough. It felt like she, indeed, cared for him, it felt.. homey?.. 

Problem was, his silent dreaming of "A woman like Edi, but for real" had become reality, yet in a completely different way than he had envisioned.

Tali pulled-up her chair next to Joker, and gently nudged his shoulder. "C'mon Jeff.. admit it, You're smitten with a very attractive, super intelligent woman, who's only fault is that it is hardware and rogue code that shapes her personality, not wetware..  
I have seen no-one in the crew make a big deal out of "chrome-bot Edi" a lot of people even like her more in this shape, would You believe it. You are only resisting because you fear that admitting love for a completely different.. well.. species, will lead to endless teasing and even harassment.. It won't. Look at me, I fell madly in love with someone from another species, and a woman to boot..I never fathomed fancying girls.. èver " She fell silent for a bit "Hmm.. though, I'll have to admit that my experience was a bit.. limited.. to be honest..

She went on: "Just.. think about it. It's absolutely clear to about any person on this ship that Edi is really, really deeply fond of You. You, on the other hand, let Yourself be lead by a rather old-fashioned bunch of motivations, and are willingly blind for reality."

She stood up and put the chair back at it's original place.

"Do with this what you want, but don't run away if that specific person walks into Your life. We are breaking many a rule on this ship, You are just one of us anarchists, ánd my friend."

Tali tousled his hair for a bi ,and quickly pulled his cap fár over his eye ,making him look like humpty-dumpty.

From his temporary darkness, he heard her giggle disappear in the elevator. He kept the cap were it wa ,and smiled. Yeah, that was Tali, Little sister, Mother, Confidante ánd Friend. Shepard was a really lucky girl.

And maybe, just maybe, there was a woman out there, gleaming chrome, with a good heart, that would make Joker, the guy that couldn't help himself being a Joker, a very lucky man.. No pain, No gain.

He straightened his cap and started shuffling towards the cockpit again. "She likes me, Edi réally likes me.. amazing.."


End file.
